Between Partner and Parent: Navigating Loyalty in Islam

Between Partner and Parent: Navigating loyalty in Islam

Heba felt neglected due to Ahmed’s close attachment and prioritization of his parents/family. Both had been married over 3 years and had a baby together. A energy had transpired which was proving difficult to navigate around the Islamic teachings on family ties and marital harmony.

​Stage 1: Realization & Seeking Help

     Pain Points: 

• Heba expressed resentment, emotional distance growing

• Frequent arguments over her perspective of Ahmed “siding with“ his parents

• Felt her husband was conflicted between honouring parents, and nurturing marriage

• Internal guilt of upsetting her spouse, and spiritual confusion

Ahmed's Thought:

“Islam tells me to honour my parents, but my wife feels like she’s always second. Am I failing her? Am I failing Allah?”

​Stage 2: First Session – Compassionate Assessment

My Focus as their therapist was to provide a safe, non-judgmental space to share their experience’s they had each had within the marriage. We used the assessment to explore emotional and relational history. Ahmed spoke about his struggle to please his partner and his parents simultaneously. Heba confided about how her experiences with her husbands family had led to painful memories and resentment, with a overwhelming feeling of being unprotected.

Therapeutic Tools used:

• Active listening, validation, psychoeducation on Islamic relational balance

• Intro to Qur’anic & Prophetic examples of emotional intelligence and spousal fairness

• Identify personal intentions vs. relational impact

​Stage 3: Perspective-Shifting Through Faith & Reflection

Key themes which the therapy address was reframing the concept of honouring parents without Heba feeling neglected. The session explored how Prophet Muhammad ﷺ balanced kinship with spousal affection and what could be embedded from this learning within the marriage, in a collaborative attempt.

Tools used:

• Genogram to map family dynamics

• Journaling reflections: "How would my wife describe her experience in our marriage?

• Dua and prayer integration for insight and reconciliation

​Stage 4: Marital Reconnection & Communication Skills

The work continued to support Heba to create space for her to express her pain with Ahmed present, teaching both partners communication models like non-defensive listening and intent vs. impact. I supported the couple further by providing Islamic counselling on Rahma (mercy), sabr (patience), and shura (consultation) in marriage

Stage 5: Action & Long-Term Healing

As therapy progressed and both spouses were feeling more in sync and the work hadcreated open communication between them both, we further worked on rebalancing loyalty:from division to integration in the marriage. I worked with them to further develop familyboundaries rooted in Islamic ethics and deepen emotional intimacy with wife whilemaintaining family ties respectfully

The Outcome:

Ahmed was able to understands that honouring his parents does not mean emotionallyabandoning his wife. Through Islamic counselling, he’s:

• Built empathy for his wife’s unmet needs

• Learned to articulate boundaries with family

• Reconnected with his wife through rahma, mawaddah, and intentional love

Why The MuslimCounsellor.com?

I offer faith-based counselling that speaks your language — spiritually, culturally, and emotionally. You are not choosing between deen and love — you are integrating both with wisdom.