Client Journeys

When Values Collide: Rebuilding a United Family

 

I’ve created this safe and confidential online space, where my mission is to help you find peace, clarity, and understanding through personalised care grounded in Islamic principles.

 

My experience as a working Muslim counsellor has led me to certain understandings and recognitions, shaped by over a decade of professional clinical work. I’ve come to realise the complex and layered nature of communication and how its interpretation through an individual’s frame of reference can result in behavioural patterns that are either progressive or regressive for the family unit.

 

Systemic theory recognises the impact of an individual’s narrative on family dynamics. It allows me to integrate other tools, such as Coordinated Care Models (CCM) and feedback loops, to promote a strengths-based approach that fosters happier, more cohesive family and couple units.

 

It’s completely normal for families to hold differing opinions and expectations of one another. I first met Family A when the parents booked couples counselling sessions. It quickly became apparent that a divide in Islamic interpretations was contributing to a growing rift within the family, which included two daughters and their parents.

 

In my professional opinion, I recommended transitioning to family therapy to explore the communication patterns within the unit.

 

Given the higher ratio of female members, a natural alliance had formed among them. They expressed that the male figure in the family lacked understanding and compassion, often questioning their personal preferences—particularly in their dress. These actions were interpreted by the women as intrusive and authoritative, beyond what they considered necessary.

 

While the female members expressed a willingness to listen to their father and husband, the deeper issue revealed itself during discussions: an inability to listen and relate with compassion. This contributed to feelings of disrespect, undervaluation, broken trust, low self-esteem, and limited open communication.

 

Individual sessions—grounded in trust and transparency—enabled each family member to reflect on their experiences and unique approaches to managing disappointment and concern. The youngest daughter showed signs of anxiety and low mood. The father questioned why he felt disrespected and undervalued in his role as a father, husband, and leader. The mother reflected on the adjustments she had made throughout her marriage and expressed concern about her daughters facing similar challenges. The eldest daughter shared feelings of alienation and being typecast as the “troublemaker” because she openly addressed issues, rather than adopting the family’s coping mechanism of “brushing things under the carpet.”

 

As a therapist, my role is to offer alternative perspectives. What had initially appeared to be a difference in Islamic thought, to me, was actually a breakdown in compassionate communication and mutual understanding.

 

I asked the family reflective questions such as:

 

• Had the family once possessed the qualities they now felt were missing?

• How did each member individually understand those qualities?

• Where had they gone over time?

• Why had it been so easy to let go of them?

• How did each person perceive giving and receiving these values?

• Could they collaboratively create a shared understanding that worked for their specific family dynamic?

• Did it feel safe and appropriate to re-establish these qualities and observe the changes?

 

Through carefully cultivated therapeutic interventions, the family was able to rebuild bonds and strengthen relationships. By highlighting underlying themes and offering new perspectives, we enabled more productive and compassionate communication.

 

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