Weaponizing the Counselling Room to Meet Your Agenda

kaneezmohammad
Sep 24
3 min read

In any therapeutic relationship, trust is sacred. The counselling room is meant to be a safe, confidential, and non-judgmental space for reflection, healing, and growth. As a Muslim counsellor, I hold this space not only with professional responsibility but also with spiritual accountability.

But what happens when that space is misused?

Whether knowingly or unknowingly, sometimes clients — or even practitioners — can begin to weaponize the counselling space to serve a personal agenda. This can show up in subtle or overt ways, and it risks turning a sacred space into a battlefield of blame, manipulation, or justification.

What Does It Mean to “Weaponize” the Counselling Room?

Weaponizing the counselling room means using therapy not as a tool for inner work and accountability, but as a shield or sword — to defend harmful patterns, justify mistreatment, or attack others.

This can look like:

Using the counsellor’s words to “win” an argument with a spouse or family member.
Selectively sharing information to receive validation instead of engaging in honest reflection.
Insisting the counsellor take sides, rather than facilitate understanding.
Attending therapy to “fix” others (e.g., “I came so you can tell my spouse they’re wrong.”)
Projecting blame onto everyone else, with no willingness to examine the self.

From an Islamic counselling perspective, this mindset goes against the principles of tazkiyah (self-purification), ikhlaas (sincerity), and adl (justice).

🪞 Therapy Is Not a Courtroom — It’s a Mirror

The role of the Muslim counsellor is not to be a judge, referee, or religious enforcer. Therapy isn’t about proving who’s right — it’s about discovering what’s real.

Allah ﷻ says:

“Indeed, Allah does not change the condition of a people until they change what is in themselves.”

(Qur’an 13:11)

Therapy is your opportunity to hold up a mirror — to explore your patterns, your triggers, and your intentions. It is the beginning of sincere self-accountability (muhasaba), not self-defense.

Examples of Misusing the Therapy Space

1. Using Islamic Language to Avoid Responsibility

“Allah knows my heart.”
“It’s qadr, so what’s the point in changing?”
“I’m the head of the household, I have the final say.”

Islamic counselling values the deen — but it doesn’t allow faith to become a smokescreen for emotional avoidance, abuse of power, or lack of empathy.

2. Trying to Get the Counsellor to “Take Your Side”

This is common in couples or family counselling, where one person uses the therapist as an ally to “corner” the other.

A Muslim counsellor’s role is to create balance and insight, not play judge and jury.

3. Making Therapy About the Other Person

“I’m only here because they need fixing.”
“I don’t have any issues — it’s all them.”

This mindset resists growth. Islam teaches us to begin change with ourselves — even if others are wrong too.

How to Re-Orient Your Mindset

If you find yourself slipping into this mindset — don’t panic. It’s human to be defensive, especially when we’re in pain. But here’s how to recalibrate:

Come With Niyyah (Intention)
Ask yourself: “Am I here to change someone else — or to reflect on my own path?”
Start therapy with a sincere du’a: “O Allah, show me what I need to see, even if it’s uncomfortable.”
Accept That Growth Requires Discomfort
You will not always hear what you want in therapy. And that’s a good thing. It means the work is real.
Don’t Turn a Counsellor Into a Weapon
A therapist isn’t a tool to “prove your point.” Instead, they are a mirror, a guide, and a compassionate witness to your inner journey.

A Reminder to the Muslim Counsellor

If you’re a therapist reading this, remember:

You are a servant of Allah first.
Your role is not to please, fix, or rescue — it’s to facilitate self-awareness, change, and God-consciousness.
Be wary of being pulled into dynamics of blame, control, or spiritual bypassing.
Be firm, but gentle. Maintain your ethics, and always return the client to their own agency and responsibility.

Final Thoughts: Therapy is a Sacred Trust

The counselling room is an amaanah (trust) — for both the client and the therapist.

Whether you’re seeking Muslim counselling for marriage issues, personal growth, or trauma healing, remember: therapy is not about “winning.” It’s about witnessing yourself fully — the good, the bad, and the hidden — so that you can transform with the help of Allah.

May we all enter therapy with humility, sincerity, and courage — and may our hearts be softened to receive the truth, even when it stings.

Ameen.